


Lion’s Den

by purplespooky



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack Treated Seriously, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Light Angst, M/M, Multi, allura speaks french, except for keith he’s also a wolf gay, i’m going to make everyone gay who’s going to stop me, theyre all big cat gays!!, why isn’t that a tag, why? because i said so, zookeepers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:22:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24671512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplespooky/pseuds/purplespooky
Summary: what if, in an alternate universe, our paladins of voltron worked in a zoo. oh and they also have a group chat. chaos ensuesCuban Spice: Yeehaw motherfuckerSpace Dad: Language!Cuban Spice: SpanishCowboy: KoreanAlluring: FrenchSpace Dad: I did not die for this.Cowboy: one near-death experience and suddenly you think your the bestSpace Dad: You’re*.Cowboy: my point still stands
Relationships: Acxa/Veronica (Voltron), Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Allura/Romelle (Voltron), Hunk/Shay (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 39





	1. :o

**Author's Note:**

> hi guys! this is my first ever voltron fanfic, wait scratch that, my first EVER fanfic, i’ve had this sitting in a google doc for literal years but i decided to say yolo and post it anyways! so, i hope you enjoy the first chapter, and please comment or kudos if you liked it!

8:43 am

Cuban Spice has added Sunshine, Alluring, I love Mothman, Space Dad, Coran Coran the Gorgeous Man, Pidgeon to a new chat.

Cuban Spice has changed the chat name to ‘lit fam’.

lit fam

I love Mothman: lance what the fuck  
Cuban Spice: we needed a funky group chat together  
Cuban Spice: besides, I could ask u the same thing about ur username dude

Cuban Spice has changed ‘I love Mothman’ s username to ‘Cowboy’

Cuban Spice: Yeehaw motherfucker  
Space Dad: Language!  
Cuban Spice: Spanish  
Cowboy: Korean  
Alluring: French  
Space Dad: I did not die for this.  
Cowboy: one near-death experience and suddenly you think your the best  
Space Dad: You’ re*.  
Cowboy: my point still stands  
Space Dad: :o  
Cuban Spice: *sips tea*  
Alluring: stop appropriating my culture  
Cuban Spice: to quote shiro - :o  
Space Dad: Hey!  
Cowboy: that’s what you get for stealing my leftovers you m o n s t e r  
Sunshine: The raw emotion in that message is glorious.  
Cuban Spice: hunk! The butter to my bread, the pepper to my salt, my platonic soulmate!  
Sunshine: Lance! The rock to my roll, the Sheldon to my Leonard, the love of my life!  
Coran Coran the Gorgeous Man: Wholesome  
Alluring: ^^  
Space Dad: I didn’t steal your leftovers you heathen. It was probably Acxa.  
Cowboy: ...  
Cowboy: that’s- actually a valid argument  
Cuban Spice: :o

Pidgeon has changed ‘Cuban Spice’ s username to ‘:o’  
:o has changed their username to ‘Bi Bi Bi’

Cowboy: ha gay  
Pidgeon: keith u are literally the gayest gay to ever gay  
Cowboy: and?  
Pidgeon: ...nevermind  
Space Dad: Big mood.  
Sunshine: Did Shiro just use internet lingo?  
Alluring: he did  
Cowboy: lance what did you do  
Bi Bi Bi: why do y’all assume I did something  
Pidgeon: y’all  
Sunshine: Y’all.  
Alluring: y’all  
Space Dad: Y’all.  
Coran Coran the Gorgeous Man: y’all  
Cowboy: to quote allura - stop appropriating my culture  
Alluring: and to quote both shiro and lance - :o  
Space Dad: Stop appropriating my culture.  
Bi Bi Bi: stop appropriating my culture  
Bi Bi Bi: ayyyyy  
Space Dad: I regret everything.  
Bi Bi Bi: :o

Pidgeon has changed the chat name to ‘stop appropriating my culture’

Sunshine: :o  
Bi Bi Bi: :o  
Cowboy: :o  
Space Dad: :o  
Coran Coran the Gorgeous Man: :o  
Alluring: :o  
Alluring: as much as I love this, I have to go to work, it’s the first day of work for the new year  
Bi Bi Bi: SHIT I HAVE WORK AS WELL  
Cowboy: ha sucked in  
Bi Bi Bi: keith…  
Bi Bi Bi: we have the same work hours  
Cowboy: …  
Cowboy: fuck  
Space Dad: Keith, did you just jump out of the window?  
Space Dad: Are you running to the car with a jacket half on?  
Space Dad: Acxa is crying with laughter on the floor.  
Cowboy: tell her I said fuck you and come get in the car, you have work as well.

Cowboy is offline  
Space Dad is offline 

Pidgeon: oh yeah I’m starting work today as well  
Coran Coran the Gorgeous Man: Where are you working number 5?  
Pidgeon: Altea Zoo, in the lion enclosure  
Sunshine: YOU’RE WORKING WITH US THEN!  
Bi Bi Bi: congratulations pidge, but I gotta blast, my bus is here  
Alluring: I’m opening the gates in a couple hours get here fast  
Bi Bi Bi: im on the bus now 

Bi Bi Bi is offline

Coran Coran the Gorgeous Man: ill go give allura a hand and unpack the boxes  
Alluring: thanks coran, I’m just in the new monkey enclosure  
Coran Coran the Gorgeous Man: I see you

Coran Coran the Gorgeous Man is offline  
Alluring is offline

Pidgeon: ill walk up to the Zoo now, see y’all in a bit 

Pidgeon is offline

Sunshine: Well, it’s just me now.  
Sunshine: I guess I’ll just head off as well.

Sunshine is offline


	2. gays on rampage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shiro is both gay and homophobic, yes he’s married to a man, but he also hates dealing with his brothers dumb gay mistakes

stop appropriating my culture 

Coran Coran the Gorgeous Man: how was your first day of work paladins   
Alluring: I forgot just how CUTE the meerkats are, my beautiful small furry babies  
Space Dad: Black seemed to remember me, and when she batted her head against my side I think a tear came to my eye.  
Bi Bi Bi: same I almost cried when I saw blue  
Bi Bi Bi: wait, here’s a photo

Bi Bi Bi sent a photo to stop appropriating my culture [lancewithblue.jpg]  
(just imagine a lioness with blue eyes squished next to Lance, who is smiling broadly one eye squeezed shut against the sun, sunglasses pushed into messy hair)

Sunshine: Aww that’s so cute.  
Bi Bi Bi: I know! blue is adorable   
Alluring: you both look so happy!!!

Younger Brogane > Older Brogane

Younger Brogane: fu k he’s so cute and I’m so gay  
Older Brogane: Jeez, calm down you gay disaster.  
Younger Brogane: not helping Takashit   
Older Brogane: Here I am, wilfully offering my help, only for my emo little brother to drag me down with his foul words,  
Younger Brogane: drama queen  
Younger Brogane: but like, I wanna say something like ‘blues not the only adorable thing in that photo’  
Older Brogane: That- that could actually work.  
Older Brogane: I’ve taught you well young pupil.   
Younger Brogane: 1st of all you’re 6, and 2nd I learnt it all from adam, that man is a legend  
Older Brogane: Whatever you say, go now. Be gay.

stop appropriating my culture 

Cowboy: the cuteness of blue takes away from the ugliness of you  
Bi Bi Bi: well, I learnt from the best after all kogane  
Space Dad: Keith.

Older Brogane > Younger Brogane 

Older Brogane: You should get a gold star for making people feel horrible.  
Older Brogane: Lance probably won’t talk to you for a while after that.  
Younger Brogane: well he did retaliate  
Older Brogane: Oh yeah, well who started it with an unwarranted nasty comment about his looks, which just so happened to be one of his insecurities?  
Younger Brogane: …  
Younger Brogane: your right   
Older Brogane: What are you going to do to make it up to him?  
Younger Brogane: I’ll apologise  
Older Brogane: Good, and don’t forget to make it sincere.

Samurai > Sharpshooter

Samurai: hey lance   
Sharpshooter: Hi.  
Samurai: oh boy the punctuation   
Sharpshooter: Did you message me because you wanted to say something or did you just want to criticise me some more?  
Samurai: well  
Samurai: look i  
Samurai: I didn’t know how to respond when you sent the picture and my go-to response was to insult you, and I wanted to say something nice really I did, but it didn’t come out that way, and for that I’m sorry   
Sharpshooter: So you said something mean because you couldn’t think of anything nice to say about me?  
Samurai: no no no not at all, there are so many things I like about you but I just can’t put it into words exactly   
Sharpshooter: oh  
Samurai: and I’m sorry for ever saying you were ugly, when you have a face sculpted by God himself   
Sharpshooter: keith...  
Samurai: hell im not even religious   
Sharpshooter: keith  
Samurai: there are so many good things about you but I just can’t say any of it right, so all I have is the shitty apology  
Sharpshooter: KEITH   
Samurai: yeah?  
Sharpshooter: I forgive you  
Samurai: oh  
Samurai: you do  
Samurai: but why  
Sharpshooter: well 1 because you were so genuine and heartfelt, and 2 because you said my face looked like it had been sculpted by god  
Samurai: …  
Samurai: I regret nothing   
Samurai: to fully apologise though I’m going to take you to lunch tomorrow   
Sharpshooter: keith you really don’t have to  
Samurai: please  
Samurai: I insist   
Sharpshooter: really it’s fine   
Samurai: I’ll buy you garlic knots and a new cd   
Sharpshooter: …  
Sharpshooter: you really know the way to a mans heart don’t you  
Samurai: I try  
Sharpshooter: soooo see ya tomorrow samurai?  
Samurai: can’t wait sharpshooter  
Sharpshooter: bye x

Younger Brogane > Older Brogane

Younger Brogane: SHIRO  
Younger Brogane: TAKASHI SHIROGANE  
Younger Brogane: BIG BRO  
Younger Brogane: HELP ME  
Younger Brogane: IF YOU DONT HELP M E ILL TELL ADAM YOU DONT LIKE MARVEL  
Older Brogane: Yes, oh sweet child of light who will NOT tell my husband I don’t like his favourite movies?  
Younger Brogane: I’m going for lunch with lance tomorrow and he sent an x in his last message what do I do  
Older Brogane: You threatened to sabotage my relationship for this?  
Younger Brogane: i have his contact pulled up on my phone now just a tap away  
Older Brogane: You have my attention.  
Younger Brogane: I know I’m going to screw up once I see his dumb perfect face with his annoying blue eyes and gorgeous freckles  
Older Brogane: Bro you’re more whipped than the frosting on my wedding cake.  
Younger Brogane: how would adam feel when I tell him you pointedly avoided seeing venom with him  
Older Brogane: Suddenly, I don’t even know what cake is? Gluten? I don’t know her.  
Younger Brogane: I HATE THIS FAMILY UR SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME WITH THE SERRANOS  
Older Brogane: YOU’D SPEND MORE TIME WITH THEM IF YOU DIDN’T VIBRATE AT A FREQUENCY HIGH ENOUGH TO BREAK GLASS EVERYTIME LANCE LOOKS AT YOU!  
Younger Brogane: STOP USING PUNCTUATION IN ALL CAPS IT DISTURBS ME  
Older Brogane: THEN WALLOW IN YOUR FEAR COWARD.  
Younger Brogane: BITCH  
Older Brogane: IT’S ON SIGHT.  
Younger Brogane: STOP TEXTING LIKE A GEN Z WITH BOOMER PUNCTUATION I HATE IT HERE  
Older Brogane: Speaking of hating it here...  
Younger Brogane: HOW DID U MANAGE TO CHANGE THE TOPIC WITH THAT????  
Older Brogane: AS I WAS SAYING.  
Older Brogane: What will you do? Options? Game plan? I LOVE a game plan.  
Younger Brogane: oh i just seenzoned him lmao, gotta play hard to get yk

parent 1 > parent 2 

parent 1: I HATE THIS KID WHY DOES HE HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS   
parent 2: lol tf did he do this time   
parent 1: THISDUMB BITCH OF A BROTHER  
parent 1: S E E N Z O N E D THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE  
parent 1: im too young for this, my hairs already turning white, i might have to file for an elderly residents home soon, the arthritis is already settling in  
parent 2: LMAOAKSKAKKA  
parent 2: THATS WHY LANCE WAS EMO LIKE 5MINS AGO I CANT STAND THEM  
parent 1: IM IN DISTRESS  
parent 2: FELT  
parent 2: also are you ever gonna actually tell them that you text like a normal human being like 98% of the time or are u just gonna let them think ur like a japanese captain holt  
parent 1: nah lol it’s more fun unsettling them with proper grammar   
parent 2: valid ngl  
parent 1: N E WAYZ  
parent 2: please never say that again i’m in physical pain  
parent 1: REGARDLESS  
parent 1: i gotta go take care of my dumb gay bro so i’ll see u later, gl with lance, bye love you <3

parent 1 is offline

parent 2: i love u too byeee :)

parent 2 is offline

**Author's Note:**

> wow you made it! i hope you enjoyed this chapter, and please leave kudos or comment if you liked it, i’d really appreciate it! have a great day! <3


End file.
